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The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry

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March 6, 2015 - 1:52pm

I'm probably a minority, but if I genuinely love somebody I may hold it in for a few days to evaluate my own feelings, but eventually it needs to be said clearly. Not guarded in secrecy for a few months until you find out you've been loving and making someone your priority when they consider you expendable.

What I'm about to say might sound a little extra, but tomorrow isn't promised. I say it when I feel it because it's a beautiful thing, and if it isn't reciprocated, that's always been a possibility that needs to be faced head on. Either of you could fall into a coma tomorrow and never be able to share that. Personally, I strongly dislike people who are timid enough to let that stay under wraps for a long time. Too cowardly for me.

March 6, 2015 - 1:54pm
I mean you did travel across the world to meet this guy, even though it's still early in the relationship ya'll are on the same page and shit. I'd say be a real nigga and wait til he says it first though if you can wait but I don't really see the issue with saying it already and or first in your situation.
March 6, 2015 - 2:33pm
I think it would be a lot more meaningful to say in person, but that's just me. Waiting 4 weeks will of course suck, unless you intend on waiting on him to say it which could go either way. I know personally I was rather hesitant about saying it so it took me longer  then I should have waited which I regret.
March 6, 2015 - 2:36pm
well how long have you been dating
March 6, 2015 - 2:50pm
Handwritten letters are, imo, better than skype, but wont take 4 weeks. But i think i'd appreciate it about as much over skype as i would face to face tbh. Only if he doesnt feel the same (which i doubt after all that you posted) it might be awkward over skype, but as i said i dont think thats gonna happen. But personally, I have a soft spot for written letters.
March 6, 2015 - 3:27pm

Well I'm on cloud 9! We were skyping for about an hour and talking about life things, had to run to get the kids from school so I lied and told him I had to pee and be right back. In the car pick up line this happened over text:

me: "I'm really bad at this, I don't like talking about Israel because it scares the crap out of me because I'm in love with you. :x"

him: "I know that is what u want to hear. I love u too."..."U taking a shit?"

:suicide: got back and briefly talked about it, couldn't tell what he meant (language sometimes is an issue) and had to confirm what he meant. He was like "of course I love you. I wouldn't be skyping this much if I didnt." I told him about chickening out since November since he's only said to me that "he really really likes me". Too bad it's 5fuckingam or we could have talked more. He's not emotional/romantic person and seems to fall back on "you KNOW" (ie you know I miss you, you know I like you, etc). He thought I already knew his feelings, wtf. But we both signed off with "love you bruh". XD 

Totally and completely turned my night (and week) around. I've been a total emotional nightmare this week largely because of not knowing where we stood completely (if on the same page).  

 

Eta: been involved since October... So 5 months? I felt it within like 4wks though and haven't felt this strong of a connection since the first time I fell in love. That's why I've been so fucking nervous with this, I decided for once to be completely vulnerable and go with it. Hopefully it's the right decision. :)

In reply to Tarzan
March 6, 2015 - 3:27pm

Tarzan said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
Handwritten letters are, imo, better than skype, but wont take 4 weeks. But i think i'd appreciate it about as much over skype as i would face to face tbh. Only if he doesnt feel the same (which i doubt after all that you posted) it might be awkward over skype, but as i said i dont think thats gonna happen. But personally, I have a soft spot for written letters.

Then you don't see the live reaction though.

In reply to Thomasxp5
March 6, 2015 - 3:32pm
Thomasxp5 said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry

Tarzan said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
Handwritten letters are, imo, better than skype, but wont take 4 weeks. But i think i'd appreciate it about as much over skype as i would face to face tbh. Only if he doesnt feel the same (which i doubt after all that you posted) it might be awkward over skype, but as i said i dont think thats gonna happen. But personally, I have a soft spot for written letters.

Then you don't see the live reaction though.

Yea but the fact that someone took the time and effort to physically write down their thoughts on a piece of paper when you have a phone, computer, etc means a lot if you ask me.

In reply to Thomasxp5
March 6, 2015 - 3:52pm
I wouldn't need a live reaction of the first time using the L-word, since it often isn't that much of a revelation. At least here, it isn't like saying those words boosts the relationship into a new dimension
In reply to MsTkEyes
March 6, 2015 - 4:02pm
MsTkEyes said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry

had to run to get the kids from school so I lied and told him I had to pee and be right back.

 

since he's only said to me that "he really really likes me".

what

In reply to MsTkEyes
March 6, 2015 - 4:04pm
MsTkEyes said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry

Well I'm on cloud 9! We were skyping for about an hour and talking about life things, had to run to get the kids from school so I lied and told him I had to pee and be right back. In the car pick up line this happened over text:

me: "I'm really bad at this, I don't like talking about Israel because it scares the crap out of me because I'm in love with you. :x"

him: "I know that is what u want to hear. I love u too."..."U taking a shit?"

:suicide: got back and briefly talked about it, couldn't tell what he meant (language sometimes is an issue) and had to confirm what he meant. He was like "of course I love you. I wouldn't be skyping this much if I didnt." I told him about chickening out since November since he's only said to me that "he really really likes me". Too bad it's 5fuckingam or we could have talked more. He's not emotional/romantic person and seems to fall back on "you KNOW" (ie you know I miss you, you know I like you, etc). He thought I already knew his feelings, wtf. But we both signed off with "love you bruh". XD 

Totally and completely turned my night (and week) around. I've been a total emotional nightmare this week largely because of not knowing where we stood completely (if on the same page).  

 

Eta: been involved since October... So 5 months? I felt it within like 4wks though and haven't felt this strong of a connection since the first time I fell in love. That's why I've been so fucking nervous with this, I decided for once to be completely vulnerable and go with it. Hopefully it's the right decision. :)

 

You were getting the kids from school at 5am?

In reply to davobrosia
March 6, 2015 - 4:35pm
5fuckingam, to be exact.

i would also like to know why you were picking up your kids from school at 5am.
March 6, 2015 - 6:07pm
He's in Taiwan it was 5am there, lol. It's a 14hr time difference. 
March 6, 2015 - 7:00pm

What a random thing to lie about lol

 

I feel you Tarzy but I mean you GOT to just do it once. Experience is what solves your issues and the only way to get experience is to go out and get it.

In reply to XYOX
March 6, 2015 - 10:24pm
XYOX said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry

What a random thing to lie about lol

Me?

the peeing thing? Lol. It's because I knew I needed to get the kids and it was late for him but I was still trying to get the courage to say it to him. I was buying me a few minutes time with it. 

March 7, 2015 - 11:22am
Is there like, a sociably acceptable number of partners? I've only ever been in scenarios where I've done stuff with one girl at a time, but that has recently changed and I feel slutty even though they're all cool with it.
March 7, 2015 - 11:55am

That's not even close to slutty. I've juggled six or seven at a time, making it literally impossible to remember them all. You'll be unable to respond to all the texts. Which can work in your favor, as long as you cycle who you're ignoring. They'll get thirsty for you. Making it easier to reach your goals. After a while, you get tired of it and consolidate to two or three. Until you settle down and find a woman worth all of your time that you don't like to share or play games with.

- a well versed slut.

March 7, 2015 - 12:48pm
Are we talking fucking or just dating? Dating and talking I've juggled quite a few....... But fucking is a one person only thing for me (and expect the same from them). Personal preference but I'm way too scared about std's and pregnancy. Best to stick to one at a time for my peace of mind. XD
March 7, 2015 - 12:55pm

can't imagine having 6 or 7 partners, I can hardly do one

March 7, 2015 - 1:07pm
It's easy. Just be confident in yourself and go to a lot of bars. I've juggled a few partners at a time and it becomes super time consuming and requires quite a bit of effort to maintain appearances
In reply to WiNDeX
March 7, 2015 - 1:15pm
WiNDeX said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
It's easy. Just be confident in yourself
Let's stop right there
In reply to WiNDeX
March 7, 2015 - 1:59pm

MsTkEyes said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
Are we talking fucking or just dating? Dating and talking I've juggled quite a few....... But fucking is a one person only thing for me (and expect the same from them). Personal preference but I'm way too scared about std's and pregnancy. Best to stick to one at a time for my peace of mind. XD

I don't waste my time talking to someone if I'm not going to fuck. I'm extremely picky with whom I even pay interest to. Most people's dream girls tend to be very basic to me, so when I find something I like (rare), it's because of an overwhelming attraction which makes it impossible to not want to fuck. So I make it happen. Life is too short to not get what I want out of these relationships. I'm a savage. There's always an inherent risk, but I've played the game smart and reached the light at the end of the tunnel without any love bugs. I often lessen my risk by choosing to involve myself with girls that I have known for a good portion of my life, and  have shared a friendship with before trying to do anything. That way I know their hygiene, former partners (the amount matters -  yes it's a double standard), etc. I like to get the CarFax before dipping in the well. That isn't always the scenario, but I'm accomplished with that type of thing. From the perspective of my female friends (coincidentally I have many), they only see me with good looking, intelligent women. Hence, my stock goes up in their minds and typically, they expect me to be a good partner (at least physically) because of my track record. Which makes my job a lot easier when I choose to pursue them. Does that all make sense? Like I said, I was an accomplished slut.

There are times when I meet someone new and have to go off of my instincts as to whether or not I'm safe. I use protection 95% of the time unless they're my actual girlfriend for quite some time. I hardly ever give any of them a title because that requires someone I really adore and want to build with. Also, I don't want somebody's sloppy seconds. I prefer to date girls who are new to the game or at least a "Certified Pre-Owned Vehicle".

WiNDeX said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
It's easy. Just be confident in yourself and go to a lot of bars. I've juggled a few partners at a time and it becomes super time consuming and requires quite a bit of effort to maintain appearances

This is relevant. Confidence is everything. I know that I am the hot commodity in the relationship. I've been this way since I was 18 and got tired of being played and taken advantage of. So I switched up the dynamic and empowered myself. It's all about respecting yourself and not chasing every chick that interests you. The harder you try, the more likely you are to get denied. So I try to make our interactions light hearted and comfortable. Usually just takes making a woman laugh. Once you've got that down, I have the eye for whether or not they want to fuck me. I'm rarely wrong, and when they aren't interested, I don't break off like a bitter prick. Gotta respect their wishes. I've turned down plenty of women in my life, even before I was sexually active (used to be religious and was afraid to lose my virginity, lul). I have seen rejection from both sides so I try to handle it with some empathy.

Windex is right. Maintaining appearances gets annoying. Especially when you realize that the sex is better with a select few, you just shed some dead weight. Survival of the fittest mate. I haven't done this for prolonged periods of time (juggling mates), but it has happened before for a few weeks or months. Turns into a lot of work eventually.

March 7, 2015 - 2:12pm

I've almost never posted in this thread, but I just had to stop by and say good job to Cynic or whoever created the title for this thread. I giggle every time I see it.

That's all I got.

In reply to Smuttny
March 7, 2015 - 2:12pm
I thought I was the only real nigga here for a bit, proud of you Smuttny and Windex.
March 7, 2015 - 2:19pm

Well I feel pretty damn useless right now. For the past few weeks, tensions have been high which has really just been building for a the past couple months since my girlfriend has moved out of her abusive dads house and in with her grandparents. I can't even tell you the number of times she's gotten upset with them or vice versa and times I have been in the room while they are arguing with each other. I can only sit there awkwardly and wait for them to stop in which case I try my best to comfort her since she even said I was the only one she could go to. Today was no exception, I just came back from her house since she had to go to work. Before she left they got into an argument yelling at each other and I was stuck awkwardly in the corner being pretty useless. I have always been there when this happens, whether she texts me about it or I'm their when it happens. I feel powerless because there's nothing I can do about it besides help comfort her or a more permanent solution which would be to move out with her which I would love to do but I just can't do right now financially. Even though I can comfort her I feel like its useless because it's just going to happen again.

March 7, 2015 - 2:28pm

Open discussion for people who live with their SOs:

Setting up a joint bank account for shared expenses; auto-pushing funds into it based on each expense in proportion to proportion of total combined income.

March 7, 2015 - 2:42pm
can someone explain to me what the bar scene is like in terms of meeting people 
In reply to davobrosia
March 7, 2015 - 3:16pm
davobrosia said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry

Open discussion for people who live with their SOs:

Setting up a joint bank account for shared expenses; auto-pushing funds into it based on each expense in proportion to proportion of total combined income.

i would never do it. I would be more comfortable splitting expenses and maintaining separate accounts. I take this bill, you take that bill, etc. for me. It's been pushed into my head from my mom to be that way-- never let a man have control of your money, etc. My parents don't even have joint accounts, married almost 40yrs lol. The times my brothers have done it the girls bitched and nagged and some Heffers stole the money or spent it when things went under. Nope, not for me.

In reply to MsTkEyes
March 7, 2015 - 3:41pm
MsTkEyes said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
davobrosia said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry

Open discussion for people who live with their SOs:

Setting up a joint bank account for shared expenses; auto-pushing funds into it based on each expense in proportion to proportion of total combined income.

i would never do it. I would be more comfortable splitting expenses and maintaining separate accounts. I take this bill, you take that bill, etc. for me. It's been pushed into my head from my mom to be that way-- never let a man have control of your money, etc. My parents don't even have joint accounts, married almost 40yrs lol. The times my brothers have done it the girls bitched and nagged and some Heffers stole the money or spent it when things went under. Nope, not for me.

 

To clarify, I do not mean "combine the entirety of your incomes into one account."

Tom makes $2500/mo, Sam makes $4000/mo.

$2500 + $4000 = $6500
$2500 / $6500 = 40%
$4000 / $6500 = 60%

Rent is $1200.

Tom's portion would be $480, Sam's would be $720.

Repeat for all shared expenses. Each puts the total of their portion into the joint account, from which all bills are autodrafted. To further simplify, adjust direct deposits or automatically push the amount from each person's account as paychecks come. IMO assigning bills to individuals makes budgeting needlessly complicated, leads to arguments about who paid what bill, and when, therefore who should pay X, etc. This is splitting expenses, just creating a specific place for the money to come from, to which both contribute.

In reply to M00SEONTHEL00SE
March 7, 2015 - 4:52pm

M00SEONTHEL00SE said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
can someone explain to me what the bar scene is like in terms of meeting people 

depends on stage of life, location, etc. & shit

younger and more club scene means less composed and easy hookups, little substance. you get to meet a lot of people but they remain contacts of little value

more mature and bar setting means more emphasis on conversation, intellect is called for slightly more. more connection because of this

regardless, where ever you are in the interest of being out and about and getting loose, youll have interactions a plenty

 

March 7, 2015 - 6:31pm
Each individual bar is so different, and each might cater to a different crowd. Best to just peruse the options a little and see what the crowd is like, make judgements on the scene for yourself. Or at least someone who lives in the same city and could go/has been to the same places.
In reply to MsTkEyes
March 7, 2015 - 6:41pm

MsTkEyes said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
Are we talking fucking or just dating? Dating and talking I've juggled quite a few....... But fucking is a one person only thing for me (and expect the same from them). Personal preference but I'm way too scared about std's and pregnancy. Best to stick to one at a time for my peace of mind. XD

Just fucking. In all scenarios, it's either by my request of their's that it only be that, and not a relationship.

davobrosia said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry

Open discussion for people who live with their SOs:

Setting up a joint bank account for shared expenses; auto-pushing funds into it based on each expense in proportion to proportion of total combined income.

Don't have or live with a significant other, but I feel like that'd save a lot of time and hassle to do that, and if you're living with this person, you already trust them to a pretty large degree, considering they could take off with your shit at any moment if they really wanted to. I see no reason why a shared account would be a problem

In reply to davobrosia
March 7, 2015 - 7:58pm
davobrosia said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
MsTkEyes said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
davobrosia said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry

Open discussion for people who live with their SOs:

Setting up a joint bank account for shared expenses; auto-pushing funds into it based on each expense in proportion to proportion of total combined income.

i would never do it. I would be more comfortable splitting expenses and maintaining separate accounts. I take this bill, you take that bill, etc. for me. It's been pushed into my head from my mom to be that way-- never let a man have control of your money, etc. My parents don't even have joint accounts, married almost 40yrs lol. The times my brothers have done it the girls bitched and nagged and some Heffers stole the money or spent it when things went under. Nope, not for me.

 

To clarify, I do not mean "combine the entirety of your incomes into one account."

Tom makes $2500/mo, Sam makes $4000/mo.

$2500 + $4000 = $6500
$2500 / $6500 = 40%
$4000 / $6500 = 60%

Rent is $1200.

Tom's portion would be $480, Sam's would be $720.

Repeat for all shared expenses. Each puts the total of their portion into the joint account, from which all bills are autodrafted. To further simplify, adjust direct deposits or automatically push the amount from each person's account as paychecks come. IMO assigning bills to individuals makes budgeting needlessly complicated, leads to arguments about who paid what bill, and when, therefore who should pay X, etc. This is splitting expenses, just creating a specific place for the money to come from, to which both contribute.

I don't know if I've ever seen it done like that before. In my situation, it would be like okay you have the rent, electric/water, and I do the Xyz that's comparable in what they were spending.  

March 7, 2015 - 11:48pm
It's so hard to please Asian parents. Dating this girl for 4 months now, her mom is nice but I know she doesn't like me. Not cause I'm white,  because I don't go to school. Making $30k+ a year with zero college isn't good enough? Meanwhile my gf has already been accepted into VT, Duke and VCU. She wants to get into VSU for their law program then transfer to Harvard. Smart ass girl
In reply to Sky
March 8, 2015 - 1:32am

Sky said in The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry
It's so hard to please Asian parents. Dating this girl for 4 months now, her mom is nice but I know she doesn't like me. Not cause I'm white,  because I don't go to school. Making $30k+ a year with zero college isn't good enough? Meanwhile my gf has already been accepted into VT, Duke and VCU. She wants to get into VSU for their law program then transfer to Harvard. Smart ass girl

If my son was destined for law school wth real hopes of Harvard in his sight I would probably feel similar. It's fucked up, but internally I would probably feel that he's selling himself short (can do better) or worried he would become distracted. Those are really big goals and shoes to fill. I hope they aren't vocal about it at least. I don't think parents should cross that line when they're adults.

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