The Official Girl Help/Issue/Talk Thread 2: Re-Entry

ok lets all come back in 20 years and see where everyone is at
Why are you so defensive and hostile about this? Nobody was talking to or about you.

ok lets all come back in 20 years and see where everyone is at

I'm not sure where I'll be in 20 years, but at age 25 with only an associates degree I work for the premier company in my niche of the web industry, which received $50 million in investment last fall.

Anyone with some sense realizes it's all dependent on industry and career path. In my personal opinion, I think a significant proportion of 17/18 year olds fresh out of high school are wasting their time and money at university.

How does one start a conversation on tinder?

How does one start a conversation on tinder?

Anything works-- hey/hello/how are you/how's your day/or take something from their profile and ask a question. I mean, I don't do anything fancy or extra. With my boyfriend I asked him where he was from in the netherlands (that's all that was on his profile) and it went on from there.

The ones that put too much effort were a turn off-- ie the "omg does this mean we're married" yak, yak, yak.

People be sayin some funny shit on Tinder though, like some over the top pick up lines and shit.

don't be a bitch and say hey whats up. that doesn't separate you out 

i usually try to have something different every week. this week i asked girls if they liked batman or superman better and their answer determined if this relationship could work or not. most girls responded

no^ grab some wits and go off their profile. show interest all the while.

no^ grab some wits and go off their profile. show interest all the while.

 

I ask all my Tinder matches the same thing; "ButtStuff?"

Fuck the bullshit.  I just get straight to buissness.  

If you're on Tinder lookin for anything but sex you whalin.
Worked for me.

Last night was even better than Tuesday. I limited myself to 2 drinks and that seemed to help solve my "problem" @MsTkEyes.

We talked more in between, and I ended up sleeping in her room. She wanted to hear more about me, I didn't really want to know too much about her though. She's got a massive diamond ring on her left hand, and I don't want to go asking questions she may not want to answer.

I've just seen so much savage shit from there my sole purpose on there would be to lay pipe. Anything can happen though, I don't know if I ever said congrats but yea :3.

How does one start a conversation on tinder?

 

It honestly doesn't matter. Reverse the situation, how would you like a girl to start a conversation with you? If you liked her and she said, "Hi!" and that's it, would you not respond because, "bitch didn't put any effort into her opener," ? No, you wouldn't do that. You would respond and be happy about it. If you didn't like her, it literally doesn't matter what she says because you're not going to respond because you don't like her (obviously I mean "like" as in liking everything you know about her thus far, which at that point is a few pics and a tweet length bio). If you aren't interested and she just drops the legendary lines, it still isn't going to work because you're not interested. It is INCREDIBLY hard (near impossible, unless you both randomly have the same super niche hobby or something) to make someone go from not interested to interested with just an opener.

So just be normal. If she responds then she would've responded regardless (within reason obviously) and if she doesn't then she wouldn't have responded to your "perfect" opener (that doesn't even exist, by the way) anyway.

Idk, i'd just feel really awkward if i was the one receiving a random 'Hi, what's up?' from myself.
What does that even mean? Under what circumstances is an opener on Tinder not random? If you feel awkward from someone saying hello to you, what doesn't make you feel awkward?
1. "hey what's up?" > *her response* > maintain the conversation.

maybe it will actually go somewhere. a meet-up?

2. "hey what's up?" > *no response*

there are plenty of other people using tinder. don't sweat it, keep swiping.

also:

How does one start a conversation on tinder?

 

It honestly doesn't matter. Reverse the situation, how would you like a girl to start a conversation with you? If you liked her and she said, "Hi!" and that's it, would you not respond because, "bitch didn't put any effort into her opener," ? No, you wouldn't do that. You would respond and be happy about it. If you didn't like her, it literally doesn't matter what she says because you're not going to respond because you don't like her (obviously I mean "like" as in liking everything you know about her thus far, which at that point is a few pics and a tweet length bio). If you aren't interested and she just drops the legendary lines, it still isn't going to work because you're not interested. It is INCREDIBLY hard (near impossible, unless you both randomly have the same super niche hobby or something) to make someone go from not interested to interested with just an opener.

So just be normal. If she responds then she would've responded regardless (within reason obviously) and if she doesn't then she wouldn't have responded to your "perfect" opener (that doesn't even exist, by the way) anyway.



.
I wouldn't feel awkward if someone started a conversation with me, i just think they would if i start one with them.

Im fearful that it might affect me more than it would a regular person
They don't even know who you are. What is the difference between a complete stranger talking to you and you (a complete stranger) talking to someone else? What about your "Hey what's up?" is different than theirs? Assume you and I both send the exact same opener to the same person. Why, specifically, would they feel awkward reading yours and not mine?
Cuz it's me saying it
Get some confidence

What the fuck does that even mean? I want you to actually explain yourself using specifics. Point to things and tell me. Who are "you" to the stranger? They don't know either of us, so what does you saying it even mean compared to me saying it? Again, they don't know either of us, so they have absolutely zero idea about out personalities. They can make zero inference* about who we are or what we do or how awkward or cool we are or what we are like whatsoever.

So I ask you again, why is it awkward coming from you and the same thing isn't awkward coming from me?

*Assume we have similar Tinder profiles and one of us isn't doing some badass shit like skydiving or something.

buzzing a little too hard there xy dog, even though your rationale is all right

it's a self-esteem thing

The entire point is that he won't be able to come up with anything. I legitimately believe he doesn't realize that. I could obv be wrong, and I'll stop posting about it if I am.

 

He either knows intellectually that it's not actually awkward but can't overcome it due to self esteem issues (very common) or he feels like it really is awkward. I think it's the latter, which was why I posted the way I did.

I know it might seem like a big deal, but if you want to get any better when it comes to situations that would induce anxiety, you're going to have to face it head on. I think in this situation, you're pretty safe. Hell it could even be a confidence boost if you would just give it a try.  I've never used tinder, but what xyox is saying makes a lot of sense. Nobody knows anything about you so you don't really have anything to lose. Sure, you're going to have to make a small sacrifice by putting yourself out there by just saying hi or whatever but compared to a real face to face interaction this is nothing. Just give it a try before you escalate and doubt it more in your head.

I know it might seem like a big deal, but if you want to get any better when it comes to situations that would induce anxiety, you're going to have to face it head on. I think in this situation, you're pretty safe. Hell it could even be a confidence boost if you would just give it a try.  I've never used tinder, but what xyox is saying makes a lot of sense. Nobody knows anything about you so you don't really have anything to lose. Sure, you're going to have to make a small sacrifice by putting yourself out there by just saying hi or whatever but compared to a real face to face interaction this is nothing. Just give it a try before you escalate and doubt it more in your head.

 

Quality^

One of the best weeks of my life. Sort of in awe to be honest. Got to spend 3 of my 5 nights in bed with an absolute 10/10 woman, which in addition to the excitement of starting a new job has me pretty much riding on cloud nine.

Who are "you" to the stranger?

the guy from the pictures. i know that, besides looks, me saying "hi" won't be different than anyone else saying it, and it won't be more awkward.  but on tinder, the only thing that differentiates me from the rest are my pictures, thus my looks, and because of that, the looks itself become a very important thing.  and if looks become the most valuable parameter a person can judge me by, me saying "hi" will be more awkward than most others doing so, precisely because they don't know me besides the couple of pictures of me. 

best i can explain it. 

He either knows intellectually that it's not actually awkward but can't overcome it due to self esteem issues (very common) or he feels like it really is awkward

underline is explained above, besides that i think i relate more to the first part

Get it Nv1. Get it. Get it.

If they've matched with you then 95% certain that they're attracted to what was in your pictures, profile, or both. 
i swipe right for everyone.
see cynic

holy fuck bro you gotta understand tinder is a joke and no one gives a flying fuck if its awkward or not 

 

i'm not even an extremely confident person, but i have 0 problems starting up any conversation i want on tinder 

That's usually a thing with guys. I can't speak for all girls, but if you've matched an attractive girl it's because she's either a bot or she wanted to swipe you. Tinder is easy game for us girls, I got 200 matches when I was in NL in a matter of 1wk with 98% talking to me. Hotttttttttttt guys. I'm not gonna swipe on someone that's "ugly" or a creep because I don't have to. 

No offense to the guys, that looks bad but I think tinder guys get it. We have the pickins on there generally speaking. And if a girl doesn't respond she's either a) busy with someone else (so you don't want her anyway), b) has no intentions of talking or meeting people (self esteem swipes). c) didn't see it, doesn't reflect on you as a person but the app messes up sometimes.

My time on tinder, I always responded. I think if you're not purposely responding then you're just "playing the game" to make yourself feel better with matches and you shouldn't give two shits what they think of you then. 

 

OT, getting to that stage where I can't hold my emotions in but I still have about 4wks until I'm with him again. I've held onto my feelings since November-- felt it was too early then but regretted it, thought I would say something when I was out there and just became too nervous. Now it's just eating me alive. Fucked up to say I love you over Skype? I don't even know how to approach this. -_- or wait for him to say it?